A Potent Symbol

Right now I'm building a new website dedicated to the search for truth about real beauty - about self esteem, self image, challenging the status quo, discovering ways to make relationships as fruitful and satisfying as they're meant to be and calling for active participation on the part of both men and women. As my logo I've chosen the silhouette of a majestic oak tree and one of my dearest friends asked me why. What's the concept behind it? So I've decided to share it here exactly as I told it to Marita.

'...here's the story. It's a simple one really.

No one would want to dig out their magnificent hundred year old oak tree and replace it with a brand new, shiny green sapling, would they? Because the years on an oak tree have added value to it - they've made it more beautiful, magnificent, awe-inspiring, breath-taking. The fragile sapling is pretty and fresh and green - therefore having value all of its own...but no one would dream of desiring it over the other. Yet older women are tossed on the bonfire of life so fast it makes our heads spin. Friends...it's all perception. There is no objective standard of beauty. It's entirely man-made and serves the dominant culture. That sounds awfully bitter and sexist but it's not...I've taken a good, long objective look at it. There are huge payoffs for the dominant culture in keeping women down; in forever shifting the bar so that no woman ever has a chance of achieving success or power for more than a short period of time. The entire fashion and beauty industry would collapse (and they're backed by the giant chemical/pharmaceutical companies) - if women felt strong and worthwhile; without the need to forever chase this phantom called beauty/sexiness/femininity/blah, blah, blah.

I want my site to help women and men begin to think differently...for women to understand that the hand we're dealt by society is in fact an illusion - and we can, in fact, choose not to believe the lie or participate in it. And for men to understand the same thing - but also to realize that this societal lie is keeping them from what most men truly need...if only they knew it...and that's real intimacy, closeness, trust, acceptance, understanding and no-holds-barred love from women.

So the oak tree is my symbol - a way to point out how illusory our culture's perceptions are. An oak tree gains value, worth, power, beauty and 'psychological space' as the years add their richness. It's also a traditional symbol of wisdom...I believe a peculiarly feminine wisdom...and that too, is a large part of its charm for me.'

I'll post my web address as soon as it's running smoothly.

Love and light,
Mel

The beautiful photograph I've presented here is by Kevin Tuck. You can see more of his work by clicking on the image itself.

Loving yourself first

Life's just one big learning curve sometimes, isn't it? And the best learning can come in the most unexpected moments. Books and courses are wonderful tools and I'm an eternal student so I don't mind soaking up as much knowledge as I can.

But there's a huge difference between comprehending something and applying that knowledge. In this enlightened age for instance, we all know we should love and value ourselves for who we are but it's a rare bird who puts this successfully into practice. It's more a case of, 'Do I like myself?' 'Yes, sure. I just hate my body shape/undereye circles/wrinkles/lacklustre social presence/boring job....' - fill in the blanks with whatever you currently don't like about yourself. The trouble is that you radiate all these negative feelings to the world around you, affecting the way other people perceive and respond to you.

If you think you can't attract the right partner into your life because you're not attractive enough, think again. We've all known that average-looking guy or girl who seems to be constantly surrounded by admirers and we wonder what their secret is. Well, it's no secret really. These 'lucky ones' are almost invariably happy, warm, confident people who draw others to them like moths to the light, simply because other people want to bask in their glow. It's usually an unselfconscious thing, which only adds to the charm.

I experienced this first hand a few weeks ago. It was a hot, humid morning and I was elbow-deep in my cluttered kitchen surrounded by metres of fabric and a broken down sewing machine. My daughter's school formal was in two weeks time and I knew I had absolutely no hope of getting her dress finished. Why on earth had I volunteered to make it in the first place? (Actually, making it was going to be a lot cheaper than buying it, that's why.)

Halfway through the afternoon I gave up. Trying to sew with a machine that constantly broke the cotton, puckered the fabric and snapped the needles, was playing havoc with my nervous system. I decided to bite the bullet and spend the money on a ready-made instead. For the first time in weeks I felt 'light'. I grabbed my handbag and my daughter and headed for the stores. We started out in the sweltering heat but a breeze quickly blew up and being a lover of all things green and cool, my spirits lifted a notch higher. Frankly, I felt great! Right before closing time, having found the perfect dress in record time, I was headed for the bank, my favourite cotton dress billowing about my ankles as I stepped it out, feeling mighty pleased with myself. On my way back to the store, where my daughter waited with the dress dangling over her arm, I was stopped mid-stride by a middle aged woman with an earnest look about her. Touching my arm she said, 'I just wanted to tell you, you look gorgeous.' She went on, 'You don't see yourself like other people see you, do you? But I saw you walking towards me and I thought - that woman is absolutely gorgeous.'

Naturally, I was completely taken aback and only hope I managed to thank her properly. Then I felt a bit confused. Did I look any different to the way I had the day before? No one had paid me a compliment like that for a long time - possibly no one had ever paid me one quite as delightful as that. Later, thinking about it, I knew it could only be because of how I felt. I felt free and weightless, happy, satisfied and glowing. I'd been in such a hurry I wasn't thinking about how I looked or what other people might think - I just clattered quickly to the ATM and back! But inside I was beaming...and evidently it showed.

If I could bottle that feeling and reproduce it at will, I'm pretty sure I'd have more dates than I could handle, possibly from both sexes! Now, don't get me wrong - I don't need the extra attention. I have eyes only for my man. But it was an Ah-hah! moment for me and I really wanted to share it.

We all need to comprehend that lesson and what's more, we need to apply it. But it's not always that easy - sometimes the more we think about it, the harder it gets. If you happen to be single and wondering why you can't meet the man/woman of your dreams, I suggest you test the theory sometime and see what happens.

For more information go to: www.BeIrresistibleToMen.com (For any of you guys out there, there's a corresponding course called 'How To Be Irresistible To Women', available from the same link.)